Let’s Talk!

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This is not a fashion post, so if you’re here expecting that then I’m sorry to disappoint you…but you can come back next week, I promise there’s some pretty fire content coming soon, stay tuned!

So I’m just going to warn you in advance, this post is probably going to be long AF. Feel free to skip this if you aren’t an avid reader too. I’m about to get vulnerable as heck, so are you ready? Okay, let’s go!

First let’s start with the question on everyone’s mind…’Dida where did you go?’ Well as some of you are aware, I had an accident (not a car accident as people automatically assume) and I was immobile for quite a while. I required to stay in hospital for TWO WEEKS and have three surgeries to my right leg and as you can obviously see in the photos, this led to me spending a huge chunk of my healing time on crutches…something I’ve never had to do in my life before then. So it was a complete flip-side to a life I never knew and never experienced before. Everybody who knows me knows that I am extremely independent, I hate being helped to do anything and I always want to be the best at what I do (that’s my ‘perfectionist’ side talking) so to suddenly have to depend on people around me for the most menial of tasks like getting food or going to the bathroom was something I honestly and truly despised. For a moment there I hated my life, I couldn’t believe how useless I’d become because of one damn leg.

It was at this point I completely cut myself off from all social interactions…social media, friends and even family. If you wanted to talk to me then you had to call me or text me first, because I wasn’t going to bother…all I wanted was my bed, food and TV. And since I was sleeping in the guest room at this point (because I couldn’t go up the stairs to my own room anymore) I was also cut off from all internet access, which honestly didn’t even make a difference because I didn’t care to talk to anybody, at all. I know what I did was bad, but I’m the kind of person who switches off from people very easily even though this was probably when I needed people the most…but I like to look at this way, this is when I got to know who my real friends were.

There are a few people that need special mentioning in this post for all the amazing support they gave me through this time. First and foremost, my best friends and my chosen sisters in life (I’m not even exaggerating, their mum is legit my mum too)…Nabihah, Sumayyah and Humayra. If you’re reading this, just know that I don’t take having you guys in my life for granted, I love you so much and always wish the best for you. You’re literally the best things that EVER happened to me (PS, a tear just dropped as I typed that out…excuse my emotions, ahem). Then there’s Nasra…girl…if it wasn’t for you I’d probably be dead in a ditch somewhere lol. I was with her the day of the accident (lame story, tripped and fell onto a piece of jagged wood and it cut right through my leg) and this girl TOOK CHARGE. Thank you for being there, making sure I was alive and checking in on me every chance you got, I really really appreciate it. She was actually travelling to the US for two months the next day and that’s why I’d gone to see her, yet she still managed to find a way to call me every.single.day and keep up with everything even while in another country. That’s what you call a real friend right there. Thank you for everything…you are appreciated. And btw guys, she’s a YouTuber too…you should check out her channel here. And last but not least someone who shall remain nameless because they hate attention, lol…well I don’t care. You’re going to have a spotlight shone on you for what you did at least. Thank you for being there for me every day…I remember calling you to tell you about what happened and you were the first person to get to the hospital before anyone else could arrive. You were there when I was first entering the theatre and you gave me some of the most encouraging words, I felt safe. Thank you for all the hospital visits, home visits when I came back home, the late night calls, the laughs and basically just checking in everyday. You are my rock. And you are appreciated.

Boy was that a long paragraph huh? Lol. Anyway, moving on with the story. I just want to say something here that I thought I’d never admit to the public. I’ve suffered from depression twice in my life. I am very easily susceptible to extreme lows…very very easily. Do you know how many times I’ve been told ‘Just get over it!’. L.O.freaking.L. If you know anything about depression then you know why I laugh in the face of such people. Mental illness is such a stigmatised topic in our society. Why though? YOU need to get over it! I can say for a fact that during this time I came very close to relapsing and heading back to a third depressive state again. I don’t know if I ever fully healed from my second episode because lows have been extremely low since then but at least I can say that these days I’m able to bounce right back up again! But for real, this period was hard yo. Like really hard…I would have to cry myself to sleep, have nightmares and to make it worse I’d been put on drugs that made me extremely low and kind of ‘high’ all the time. My life had become a cycle of ‘Wake Up – Eat – Take My Meds – Get High – Fall Right back to Asleep’ it had lost all purpose. And it didn’t help that I couldn’t move around easily, I gained weight and I now had to deal with the ugliest scar the size of a sweet melon on my leg. Y’all don’t understand, for a girl…that’s a big deal. It doesn’t matter that I don’t show my legs, I have to know it’s there and see it everyday you know?

Long story short, this time was hard. So I’m not going to sit here and apologise for taking this time to gather myself and come back as my most presentable self. I am now finally bandage-free as of this week! It’s been a long and tough 3 months guys. But I’m back and better than ever! I am grateful to Allah(SWT) for everything He’s blessed me with…with two functioning legs and a very privileged life. Don’t take what you have for granted, I can attest to the fact that one day EVERYTHING can change…compared to the rest of the world, trust me you are way more privileged just by having access to read this blog post…it means you have access to the internet and a phone/laptop. These are luxuries my friend. The point of giving you this very long and boring story is because I want you people to realise that everyone is normal…everyone goes through ups and downs and IT IS OKAY! Don’t beat yourself up for having a bad day, it’s normal! People will never show the bad things they go through on social media because they don’t want people to see their flaws. Well here I am taking that sacrifice, I am flawed as HECK! Just because I have a pretty and colour-cordinated Instagram doesn’t mean I’m perfect. Never forget that. I am a human being.

Otherwise, thank you for reading this far if I didn’t bore you along the way. And just in case you like this ugly outfit in the post then here are the details, lol (and btw, little tip for people with bandaged legs, wide leg pants are your BEST FRIEND! That’s literally all I ever wore for the past few months…pretty sure everyone around me had lost all hope in my fashion sense haha):

 

Scarf – Amarah Fashion

Top – Gift

Pants – Zabarjad Fashion

Shoes – Mr Price

 

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Remember, you can conquer ANYTHING you set your mind to!

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9 thoughts on “Let’s Talk!

  1. I love that you chose to share your story, I understand first-hand how depression is a taboo topic in our community too. Thank you for being brave! May Allah protect you and grant you full recovery.

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  2. I love how you chose to be brave and share your story, I understand first-hand how depression is a taboo topic in our community. May Allah bless you with a quick recovery Love. ❤

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  3. May Allah give you shifaa. I am glad you are talking about mental health. sadly it is still a taboo in Mombasa. and people don’t want to talk about it. Amazing post! May Allah bless you in every possible way.

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  4. So sorry about the accident Dida, that outfit looks good on you…literally, anything you put on is just wow. Wish you a quick recovery

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  5. It always feels great when you feel you have someone evem when it’s not as physical-I’m not a killer fashion enthusiast as much but one way or another you Dida inspire me and that was better seeing you embrace the depression being a victim I super understand that.And Alhamdulillah you now better and back to slaying.

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